Spoke Too Soon

My last post spoke about starting to feel a sense of confidence in taking the bar exam- not that I necessarily would pass, but that I had a chance to. My bar review course had us take a simulated 6 hour MBE test the other day. Because my score was much lower than the few prior tests, I'm back to feeling insecure.

The whole process of preparing for the bar is very reminiscent to the first year of law school: the constant wondering if you are going to make it or not, the emotions ranging from confidence to depression, and no one else in your life understanding what you are going through (and annoying the hell out of you by making it obvious that they don't, and don't really want to understand).

I'm not trying to be bitchy, but how many times do I have to tell my family that all I'm doing between now and the bar exam is studying (and a little sleeping)? Seriously, I think they all think I'm just taking a few months off to sleep in and goof around. Why else would my mom call me at 8:30am on a Saturday and ask me if she had woken me up? (To start with, I don't answer the phone when I'm asleep, which I have told her MANY times. It seems like she has a secret desire to catch me being lazy or something.) And then, I mean, really, does she have to act surprised when I tell her that no, I'm studying and will be all day? She appears to think I should be able to study a few hours here and there and pass it no problem.

This all feels like a big game, again, kind of like first year- like, let's see how many people we can get to leave just by scaring them out or wearing them out. I know most of the exam is showing how much you know and understand the law, but another big part of it is just not freaking out. Yeah, I know I have my moments, but I'm not letting them win by default. So, I shall keep working away (despite the fact that very few people seem to realize how much work is really involved in this process!).