This, that, and the other

1. Feeling confident vs. feeling insecure

As I think I mentioned awhile ago, I grew up being the smart, nerdy, unpopular kid. The ONLY thing I felt confident in about myself while growing up was my intelligence. I wasn't arrogant about it, but I knew I was smart. I was also smart enough to realize that I wasn't THE smartest, but I also knew I was ahead of the crowd.

After 17 years as a stay at home mom, my confidence was shaken. I wasn't sure how I could possibly stack up, academically speaking, next to those fresh out of college, who were used to the whole studying routine. That confidence was further eroded during the orientation week when we were scared into believing none of us could possibly pass first year, and later when my Legal Analysis professor gave a 20 minute speech about how grades are different in law school and we should not expect much, and be thrilled to receive a 65.

I really wish I had started this blog in August, so I could remember all those emotions of the first 2 months. Even though in the back of my mind I knew I was still intelligent and could do this, all the other input was drowning it out. I started to believe it....until I started getting feedback. Of course, the latest is the midterm grades.

Even though I expect lower grades in the 2 classes I have yet to receive grades in, I have regained a measure of my confidence. Without intending any arrogance, I feel like I can say that since I'm in the top 6% of my class right now, as long as I continue how I have been (which is a given), I see no possible way for me to sink to the bottom 50% and risk not making it to year 2. I could not have said that a couple months ago. And it's a wonderful feeling. I guess 17 years of being a SAHM do NOT turn your brain to mush! :)

2. Parking lot drivers in Fresno SUCK!

I have been meaning to post about this for awhile. (Actually, I need to write a letter to the editor at the Fresno Bee!) The car I usually drive (yeah, I have 2, but my 17 year old daughter has virtually taken over possession of my SUV) is a tiny 2 seater. As you probably know, most people now drive either an SUV, a truck, or a mini-van. I have no problem with that. Everyone should be free to drive whatever they want and can afford. My problem is because I almost always end up between 2 monster vehicles when I'm parked, when I go to back out, I can NOT see anything until I back up some. So, I cautiously inch my way out of my spot (obviously with my reverse lights showing to all that are behind me) and it never fails that just as I am able to see both ways behind me, someone will come BARRELING down the row, ignoring the fact that I am trying to get out of my spot. I can't even tell you how many times I have almost been hit. I guess everyone in parking lots in Fresno is in such a BIG hurry that when they see someone trying to back out of a parking space, they can't be courteous, stop, and wait the 10 seconds for them to do so. Yeah, that 10 seconds might put you 5 names higher on the wait list for Cheesecake Factory. "We live in a SOCIETY,".......oops, sorry, Seinfeld episode. But seriously people, can you be polite? It matters more for people like me who drive tiny cars and can't see over the behemoths parked next to us. All I'm asking for is 10 seconds!

3. I didn't even know what to say

At the church I go to, somewhere during the first half of the service, they will say to greet those around you. Usually, they add some dorky comment like, "And tell them the first New Year's resolution you broke this year." I'm sorry. I love my church and all, but I absolutely HATE doing this! It is so stupid, because you (well, I) never remember their names, and it is mostly just shallow and silly. It's not like I ever felt truly welcomed into a church just because the person next to me was forced to shake my hand and say good morning. If they didn't do that when I first came in and sat next to them, I can do without it.

Anyway, this morning I ended up sitting next to a woman I would guess to be 65 or older. She HAD to be at least as old as my mom. The man next to her looked to be the same age range. When they made the announcement about shaking hands, I was kind of looking around hoping to avoid doing it as much as I could. Ok, so a couple people caught my eye and I did have to shake their hands. (Ugh, I hope I didn't get any germs. There were SO many coughers today....disgusting!)

Afterward, as we were sitting down, the lady next to me leans over and says, "Hi, what is your name?" I told her, and she replied (I kid you not), "I'm Janie, and this (pointing to the man next to her), is Matt, the man I sleep with......I mean my husband."

EWWWWW , ewwwww and more ewwww. That is just wrong. I don't need any mental images of that sort of old folk loving, and certainly not while I'm in church. Really, I don't even know what more to say about that. But maybe that is the only way I'll actually remember any names!