Making a difference in the world

That was today's sermon topic at church today. I suppose it made me reflect on my law school decision.

When I think about my life, I realize that helping others has been a major focus of mine. I can't say it was by design, but it was definitely what I wanted. When the kids were little, it was helping in their AWANA groups and then in their classrooms and school. It also involved helping women prisoners through monthly visits to the prison. It continued with helping at church...helping by creating the church web site and maintaining it, then starting the shut in visitation ministry and leading that. I have felt that after taking care of my family, it was important to give back and be helping others in some way.

While considering law school, my purpose in doing so was in pursuing another way to help others. I'm leaning towards a future in the district attorney's office, mostly because I want to know that I AM helping to make a difference and that I AM helping people somehow. I can't picture doing any job because of the money or power/prestige associated with it. I just don't feel motivated by that.

Despite being told at various times by those in my life that I am selfish, mean, unkind to the point that I have doubted myself, I know now that I am not. I don't think a person who has dedicated literally decades of her life to helping others can be that. I know I'm not perfect, and I will never say I am. However, I won't let those criticisms define me erroneously. My actions defeat their words. I am on my way to a making a difference in the world....in a new and hopefully bigger way. : )

2 Weeks without a doubt

I'm starting to feel a little too normal. I've gone 2 whole weeks without any emotional downs about school. It's kind of scary, because I can't help but wonder when the floor will vanish beneath me. (That, of course, I assume will happen soon enough---MIDTERMS!) For but now, I'm happy and just enjoying, yes enjoying, school. I actually love learning, and forcing myself to stretch this way. I haven't done it in so long, and it feels good in many ways.

I had to go to school today to pick up a graded paper. Normally, Fridays are not class days, so it was pretty much empty. When I pulled into the parking lot, one of my instructors was out there smoking. He said, "You don't look stressed." (Which I guess must go against the norm for first years.) I said, "I'm not. I'm enjoying this." And it's true. Sure, I have plenty of work to do, but I realize that I DO enjoy it....both the learning and the future I know this will take me to.

My other cat is jealous

So here is a picture of Jamba, affectionately known as "Biss":

A Good Sign

For the first 2 months of law school, every week was an up and down experience. One day I was sure I belonged here, the next I doubted everything. My most difficult class is on Tuesday (CivPro), so it seemed that Tuesday evenings were usually the low point of my week.

Here it is Wednesday morning and I have no doubts at all. Sure, I didn't comprehend everything that was discussed in class yesterday, but I think I did finally realize that in that class, it is more about the repetition of hearing it over and over that finally makes it sink in and make sense. I didn't freak out when I didn't totally grasp everything yesterday, because I know in time, I will. That's just how that class is working for me.

In addition, my study group is going to focus on that class for our session this week. To prepare, I'm going to go through things myself beforehand. Doing that, and then going through it with the group will help reinforce everything in my mind, and give me a clearer framework in the process.

And, having absolutely nothing to do with any of the above, here is my cat, Tiber, in our sink:

One Whooooole point! Woohoo!

I took my first Torts quiz 3 weeks ago, and we got them back today, FINALLY! I had totally forgotten that we would, so that was a nice surprise. It was worth a maximum of 1 point of our final class grade, and you could get either 1, 1/2, or 0 points. Obviously, not a major part of the class, but it was still nice to get that big one point! : ) The quiz was just on intentional torts though, and it was easy. We've been warned though, that that is the easiest part of the class, and we're plowing through negligence for the next 4 months or so.

We were discussing res ipsa loquitur today, and had 3 cases of people slipping and falling on banana peels. It seemed funny, because the state of the banana peel (yellow vs. black and crusty) helped determine the outcome of the trials. My first year law student advice to you is, if you are going to slip and fall on a banana peel somewhere, make sure it is black, dirty and crusty! LOL And, if you happen to slip on some milk puddled somewhere, please take the time to note if it is warm and odorous. Hopefully, for your sake, it will be! :)

Ever wish you could take back a weekend?

Or maybe just skip over it? The weekends are supposed to be the GOOD times. They are why you struggle to get through the weeks. It's supposed to just be a time to relax, have fun, and hang out with the ones you love. Right???

So, it really sucks when your weekend is so crappy that you can't even wait for Monday to get here, just so you can be back in your comfortable routine. Yeah, so I'm ending my weekend right where it began.....alone in my office.

Please, Monday, come rescue me~

For some pre-Halloween fun.....

Carve a pumpkin
and have a little fun!

Nothing lasts forever.....

You just can't have a truly good week, month or year.....something always comes along to screw it up. Maybe the kids get in trouble, maybe the cat hocks up a hairball on your bed, maybe someone just doesn't treat you right....it's always something.

I hate it because when things are looking good, you get lulled into this false sense of security, thinking, "Wow, my life is finally falling into place. Maybe I've finally got it all figured out." Whoops, not so fast. :(

So, after this great, positive week at school, here I sit in my office, alone on a Friday night.

Have I turned the corner?

So far for the first 2 months of law school, each week has been an emotional roller coaster. All my insecurities about who I am and what I can accomplish have come into play. One day I am sure I want to do this and help those in need, legally speaking, and the next, I doubt I can ever get that far and wonder what I am doing here. I compare myself to those sitting around me who are nearly about half my age and wonder how I can compete with youth. I compare myself to those already working in the legal field and feel inadequate and behind. For someone whose confidence always came from her intelligence (and not from looks, popularity, etc.), this has been very disconcerting.

This week, however, has been different. I got through the entire week without a doubt. And more than that, I actually feel hope. YES, I can do this. YES, I am going to make it. And YES, beyond that, I am going to do well at it. I don't say any of that to be arrogant, as I know many struggles lie ahead in the next 3 years, but perhaps something just clicked inside. Maybe it was getting feedback this week. Maybe it was feeling like I finally understood a CivPro class. Maybe it was talking to a professor about doing a clinical and being encouraged and told she would love to have me doing it. Maybe it was not getting a 30 on my CivPro quiz. Maybe it was talking to the assistant dean today and feeling like I do belong here. Maybe I don't even care WHAT it was, just that IT WAS. :)

Laugh at the Clown

So I had entered a few photographs I had taken in the local fair. It was the first time I had done that, and considered it (another) learning experience. I had to run down to the fairgrounds today to pick up my entries, that sadly, were not winners. Of course, the attendant was kind enough to tell me that this picture I had entered was a favorite among the children visiting the exhibit. I took that in Cabo this summer, and it always makes me smile. I hope it brings a smile to your face too. : )

Here's the other 2 photos I entered, both taken on the California coast.

Happy for a 60

I'm normally the type of student who doesn't just want an A, I want the highest A. I have since adjusted my way of thinking to the law school reality in that I no longer expect grades in the 90s. Heck 65 is passing, so that's the minimum I need to work up to by the end of the year (May). Of course, not that I only want to do that, it's just there's no use beating your head against the wall when most of the grades in a class are in the 30-40% range. (NO, there is no curve at my school.)

After scoring well for my 2 papers in my Legal Analysis class, today was the day I was getting back a quiz in one of my actual law classes, Civil Procedure. (LA isn't teaching law, but how to write and research in the proper legal way.) I have to say.....Civ. Pro. is my hardest class. It's just not something that the normal person has been exposed to before (unlike a contract or tort/injury). It seems to consist of roundabout complications of layers that don't make any sense. If that sentence confuses you, that is about .01% compared to being in a CivPro class.

At the beginning of class, the teacher went over the question, and what his answer to it would have been. But, he made us wait an hour and a half before we got our papers back to see our grades. Now, these aren't worth anything at all towards our grade. It was really just a practice...a trial to see how we faired. So, ultimately, it doesn't hurt us at all and only can help if we use it to learn from our mistakes. We were warned that the grades started at 10%, and that since the question was straight from the bar exam and we've only had 7 weeks of law school, our professor wasn't expecting much out of us. He said that normally at this time, he would expect an average score of 35.

At break, I am leafing through all the tests, and couldn't find mine. I had to go through twice before I found it. So, before I tell you mine, let me tell you about my study group. All 4 others in it are smart, bright, insightful people. I think we are all on the same level here. We had one get a 30, 2 get 35s, and one get a 40. Just from that I'm seeing how the class overall scored.

So, what do I get? Yeah, my title gave it away already....I got a 60. And I have never been so happy for a 60 in my entire life. For the class that I felt so lost in, I feel a twinge of hope now. In my mind, I will only go up from here, so passing the 65 mark is no problem. I don't say that to be arrogant. It's just how I work....once I get feedback I know how to adjust, which I will. Yeah! :)

To make my day even better, we crossed into a new subject today that was SO much easier to comprehend (subject matter jurisdiction). Even more hope....yeah! It won't ALL be so hard to understand!

And to top it off, I had a great conversation with my LA professor. She is such a positive, encouraging person anyway, but I found out that I will (most likely) be able to work at the small claims advisory next semester. I'm excited about it....will make all this learning seem more real, plus I always like doing something when I know I'm helping others, which that does. And it will get me on my way to earning the necessary 4 units of clinicals.

It is sooo nice to have a day when you get LOTS of feedback, and it is all good! :)

Ten years is a LONG time!

My 10th wedding anniversary is coming up next month. It's weird to think about because in one way, it seems like just yesterday that we met, yet it also seems like we've been together FOREVER! It is also strange how the person who at times can drive you absolutely crazy is also the one you can't imagine being without.

I don't even know who I would have become if I hadn't married my husband. I know for sure I wouldn't be what I am now (spoiled brat law student, for one). Being with him has developed many parts of me..... independence, being able to see a larger picture of things, a sense of adventure, flexibility.

While I can see changes in both of us over the past 10 years, it is also nice to look at areas I still know growth is possible (and needed!). Do you ever really want to reach the place where you are not wanting to grow? I hope not. I'm just glad I have him to grow and change with....there's no one else I would want to do it with. : )

Give me some feedback here!

Isn't it just a basic fact of life that you want to know how you are doing? You crave to know whether you are excelling or sinking, and how you compare to Joe Shmoe next to you. It doesn't matter if it is in school, in your job, or in your relationship. You should want to know. Why? Well, sometimes to confirm that you are doing ok....other times to get direction on how to improve. But in the absence of any feedback, you just feel lost.

It seems that one of the ways that law school tries to frustrate you is by NOT giving you any sort of feedback....that is until finals in May. Of course, if you find out then that you really aren't getting it, it is kind of late.

I'm 2 months into law school. I know, go ahead and laugh. But I have to say that I'm proud of myself for getting this far. I'm the only stay at home mom in my class. (I'm going by the first day introductions here, so if someone else was too embarrassed to admit that, they deserve to not be counted.) Most students are just continuing their education which for them ended in May in their college graduation. There are some that are returning to school, hoping to change their career path. But me, I stand alone as the lone SAHM.

Now, my background was one of being a basically straight A student. (My college GPA was 3.77 if it matters.) I'm the type that wants an A in every class, preferably the top A in the class. My method to obtaining that usually worked....figured out what the teacher wanted and just give it to them. Of course, the big assumption in that is that you can somehow find that out.....the "feedback".

Just how are you supposed to figure out what the professor wants if you don't get any feedback until a final in May? It's not easy. Luckily, I have a few small things working in my favor here. All of my classes have midterms in December. Sure, they are only worth 10% of the course grade, but at least it is SOMETHING! My Torts classes actually has a few quizzes (each worth 1 point of the course grade) scattered throughout the year. Again, that is helpful somewhat, but when it takes 3 weeks to get the results, not as much as you would like.

Fortunately, my Legal Analysis class is more helpful. While it is only a 1 unit class and is not a "law" class, our 4 papers every semester do at least give us something in the way of feedback. Before we received our first graded paper back, we were given the whole "don't expect much" lecture. The school's motto is "65, stay alive", referencing the 65% needed to stay in school. We were told that we should be happy to get a 65, and throw a party if we get a 70. Well, I can't say that an "A girl" like me was too thrilled with that prospect. But, I'd rather be surprised than disappointed, so I adjusted my expectations and just hoped for that 65.

BOOOOOYAH! LOL! I got my first paper back and got a 91. Ok, so maybe I'm not altogether as pathetic as I thought I might be. You tend to start doubting yourself when most people in your class are nearly 20 years younger than you! Still, I didn't want to get cocky. I knew that in the grand scheme of things, that one paper didn't really mean anything (other than giving me a tasty tidbit of feedback to stroke my ego).

I felt very uncomfortable with my work on my second paper. I knew I had definitely not done as well as the first. Yet, I didn't know exactly what I could have done to make it any better. Others in my study group got their papers back early and hadn't done as well. Ah ha.....I knew it, my grade was going to drop too. It was just a matter of how much. I figured I probably got a 75, which of course, is something I still "should be" happy about.

I was dreading seeing the number. Maybe my 91 was a fluke. This would prove that, I was sure. Hmmm...well, I picked up my paper and had a 89! WHAT?!?! Surely there must have been some mistake. I wouldn't have given myself that grade!

So, where do I stand? I guess in the class that matters least (as far as units and stuff go) I'm doing well. It's a small consolation, but at least it gives me hope that just maybe, I'm also doing ok in the other classes. Isn't that why we really want feedback? To give us hope to keep on going? It looks like I got enough to keep going......for at least another week, that is.

Why? What?

Why not? I guess that is the better question.

What? Just my thoughts as a law student, mom and wife.

Will this interest or be of any use to you? My blog title gives you a hint! ;)