Domestic Violence

Last week, one of the things I did to fill a few hours was trek down to the Fresno County law library to look up "Myers on Evidence in Child, Domestic and Elder Abuse Cases", by John E.B. Myers. Realizing that as a prosecutor, I will surely face having to question witnesses who have been victims of abuse, I thought this book might prove to be a valuable resource. While professionally I think I will end up referring to it in the future, personally it hit home. I thought I'd share a few of my observations, for anyone else who may be in a similar situation.

Domestic violence is not just an act that give you bruises and broken bones, but is "any use of physical or sexual force, actual or threatened, in an intimate relationship." (Children Exposed to Violence: A Handbook for Police Trainers to Increase Understanding and Improve Community Response, by Linda L. Baker, Peter G. Jaffe, Steven J. Berkowitz, & Miriam Berkman, italics added.) Even now, that is hard for me to swallow, because I don't like thinking of myself as a "victim" or someone who took years of abuse, but domestic violence did characterize the marriage I left.

I found these quotes from the Myers' book very interesting:

"The predominant behavior of batterers is control, and batterers do not generally apologize for their controlling behavior. Indeed, batterers feel it is their right to control their partner and their children."

"The overarching behavior characteristic of the batterer is the imposition of control over his partner. The batterer's control is carried out through a mixture of criticism, verbal abuse, economic control, isolation, cruelty, and an array of other tactics." (Quoted from The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics by Bancroft and Silverman, emphasis added.)

"Batterers tend to view themselves as superior, and to be selfish, self-centered, manipulative, and possessive. "

I can tell you when I read those quotes, there was no other conclusion to come to except that my ex-husband is a batterer. All of the above applied to our time together and his behavior. Yet, even as I say that, it is hard for me to admit. So why am I even posting about this? Because I am an intelligent and strong woman who got involved with the wrong man. Maybe I didn't see the signs, but maybe I would have if I had been warned.

Thirty three percent of female homicide victims are murdered by their spouse or boyfriend, and 20% of American women are assaulted by an intimate partner at some point in their life. That is why I think this is so important. Maybe I can open the eyes of one woman to recognizing the behavior of the man she is involved with, or thinking about getting involved with, before it is too late.

For those of you wanting help, please check out the Marjaree Mason Center locally or Womens Law.