Can I Just Say This......Ex-husbands SUCK!

It's bad enough that he hurt and disappointed me over the years, but don't mess with my kids!

We knew all along that once the kids got to college, he wouldn't help out. We planned for that. Nothing in what he has done or who he is suggested anything other than that. BUT, after my daughter found out last week that she was accepted into MIT (and of course, will be going there), HE actually called ME. (To understand how odd this is you must know that we never talk on the phone, rarely talk to person-- just a "hi" when we exchange the kids, and all our communication is by email.) He didn't just call me, he said he wanted to talk about paying for her college. I was so stunned I could barely respond. He apparently was trying to get a figure out of me of what I wanted in contribution from him. I didn't quite get that, but he threw out the 50-50 proposition. I was floored. Since I don't handle our finances, I suggested he get together with my husband to talk about it.

So, this lovely meeting happened yesterday morning. My husband had spend the week preparing. He had a spreadsheet of all the various costs over the 4 years, including the history of annual increases figured in. When they met, my husband started talking about everything, and finally asked my ex, "Are we in this 50-50?" It wasn't until that point that my loser ex speaks up and says, "I have no money and I can't help with anything."

WTF?!?!?!? I don't get it! Why the frick was he calling me the day after she got accepted and offering ON HIS OWN to help with 50%? Why didn't he just say "congratulations, but I can't help" then?? Why the pretense of going to this meeting and acting like he was actually going to contribute?

I'll tell you why...probably so he can do what he always has done.....have the "appearance of having done the right thing". Yes, I'm sure he told his family that he met with us, and while he can't contribute out of pocket, he's making his contribution in other ways. (He somehow thinks he can dig up enough merit-based scholarships for her to apply for and somehow, magically, like the lottery, have her win.) He couldn't have told people that he just shut us down cold. No, that would make him look bad. That's how it always is for him. Exactly what he did in our divorce too......did everything to make me look bad when HE was the one who ultimately was responsible for our marriage's demise.

He actually had the nerve to say to my husband yesterday that he didn't think my daughter could ever get into a school like MIT. (WTF kind of idiot is he? This girl is absolutely brilliant, and I don't say that as her biased mom. I say what everyone else who knows her, except her own dad, says about her. I never would have spent the money to have her apply to MIT, Harvard, Princeton and Stanford if I didn't think she could get in. She IS that talented. She BELONGS at one of those places.) He said that her getting in was just a "random occurrence". He obviously don't really believe in her. I'm blown away. I thought part of being a parent WAS believing in your child....seeing their potential and finding ways to help them achieve it.

He actually told my husband that he thought she shouldn't go to MIT....she should go to UCLA the first 2 years (to save money) and then transfer to MIT. Ok, buddy, if you don't pay, you have no say. This girl has EARNED her way to MIT. How can you even THINK of denying her her dream?

Before you go and think that maybe I'm being unrealistic and perhaps he can't help because he is unable, let me tell you that he has bought new cars for BOTH himself and his wife in the last year and a half. He has made it clear that other things are a priority for him. I'm also sure his wife has no intention of letting him spend "their" money on anything this expensive that doesn't involve "her" kids.

Anyway.......after the gutless wonder announced he wasn't going to help, my husband kept it together and did not unleash on him like he wanted to, and it was all he could do when he got home to keep me from calling him. It's not like we honestly expected anything different from him, at least until he freaking called me. Loser. Why did he call me? To jerk me around??

I don't get it though.....he has based his life and decisions on his own children NOT succeeding! He didn't save any money or make any plans because he didn't think they could actually achieve something. That is so contrary to my way of thinking I can't believe I was once married to this man. My whole life is about me encouraging my kids to do their best, and finding ways to help them do that. I EXPECT them to do well. I don't plan for their failure.

When it comes down to it, while I'm disappointed that he won't share any of the burden for her education, I'm more disappointed that he doesn't believe in his kids and think of them the way I do. That is what stings the most.

Our response.....while I'm complaining on here, I won't do it to him. He's not worth it. We are just going to support my daughter and give her the education she deserves and has earned. I KNOW she is going places and will continue to achieve. And WE are behind her all the way. And guess what....SHE is going to KNOW who loves, supports and believes in her!

And today, I am thankful that I am no longer with that loser, and that I have instead a husband who believes in my kids and is willing to help them achieve their goals because planning for their success is the only way he will let himself think.