Yeah, I've Been A Slacker

Ok, I know I haven't posted in a week. I may have slacked on posting, but it's only because I've been so incredibly busy. (Yeah, yeah, what else is new?) I did have some cool experiences this week, so let me recap a few of them.

First of all, I had my big monthly court day this past Thursday. It's always kind of like a circus because so much goes on, so quickly, but it's easily my most favorite day of the month. You never know exactly what to expect, which I think is one of the reasons I like it so much. Much more challenging when you have to think on your feet!

All the people who are there to appear on their violations start showing up around 9am. From 9-9:30, they are all supposed to check in with the court clerk, and then speak to me, if they want to give me a reason why the government should consider reducing their fine. I have total discretion to do so or not. (How much fun is that for a law student??? But of course, I'm always fair and reasonable!)

During this time, I was speaking with a defendant at the government's counsel table about his violation. All of a sudden my eyes shift to the man who was walking into court, and up to the clerk. He was wearing leopard print cat ears! I just looked at him, stopped talking, and almost fell out of my chair! WTF? I then had to go to the clerk myself, and tell her the reduced fine I had agreed to, while leopard boy was standing there. The clerk, court reporter and I exchanged looks and just tried not to laugh. Unfortunately, he didn't need to appear, so I wasn't able to see what the judge would have said. He left without incident, seemingly oblivious to what was on his head.

The big excitement for the day, however, was the bench trial I had for a parking violation at the VA hospital. I know that sounds like a snoozefest, but it was both the most frustrating and the most fun I've had in court yet. Generally, these trials last less than an hour- I bring my witness (the officer who issued the citation) and have them tell me what happened, and then the defendant, without an attorney, tells their version. There is a little bit of cross-examination, but I never object to anything during the whole process because first, I know the pro per defendants don't really know what they are doing, and secondly, I don't want to seem like a bitch, and finally, I don't think it's really necessary.

If I tell you that this "little" $25 parking violation turned out to be a 2+ hour trial, would you believe me? The defendant had parked his oversized camper truck diagonally over two parking spaces. I began with my direct exam of the officer who issued the ticket. Then the defendant, who I believe to be a wanna-be actor, got up to cross. Instead of just asking a question, he started basically presenting his case. I gave him a little leeway, but when I could see he wasn't going to stop, I stood up, "Objection, your honor. Defendant is testifying." "Sustained." Ok, that was cool.

That really didn't seem to deter the defendant much. He got out his several theories (the officers had unfairly sought to ticket him, the slash marks on the second space denoting it as a no parking area were too faded to believe they were current, the officer did not announce a warning over the hospital PA before ticketing his vehicle, his intention in parking that way was to be considerate to other people and not have his vehicle block them, the paint from the previous striping had leeched up through the asphalt and confused the striping, etc., etc., etc.) while keeping me hopping and objecting the entire time. The objections I remember making are: "ambiguous", "argumentative", "asked and answered", "counsel testifying", "improper characterization", and "irrelevant". But I made most of them numerous times and I'm sure I probably lodged at least 4 dozen objections. At several points, I was so frustrated, I just stood up and declared, "Your honor, OBJECTION!" The judge, who had to be getting tired of the defendant's shenanigans kept sustaining them. Mind you, this is all over a $25 parking ticket!

After going round and round, back and forth, the defendant at one point started some argument, then cut himself off. "I don't want to waste the court's time," he said. In a non-professional move on my part, I couldn't help but mouth, "TOO LATE" to the court clerk and court reporter, who had been making "WTF is he doing?" faces at me for over an hour. Eventually, the judge declared him guilty (maintaining my 100% conviction rate) and asked for each side's request for fine amount. I submitted on the ticket ($25 plus $25 fee and $10 assessment). In yet another eye rolling moment, the defendant said he thought "time served" was appropriate. When the judge said that he had never been arrested, the defendant explained he meant his time in court. UGH. This guy would not give it up. The judge gave him a $25 total fine. It won't surprise you to hear he then announced he would be appealing. OMG!!!!!!!!

I forgot to mention that earlier in the morning, a large group of students from Bullard High School came into the courtroom to observe. There seemed to be 3 shifts of them, coming in to watch, at various points, so I estimate 100-150 students were watching me in action. As I left the courthouse that morning, a Fresno Unified bus was parked in front, with all the students inside. I crossed the street in front of it, making my way to the garage. As I walked away, I heard one of the students call out, "Hey Gov-a-ment........" Too funny!

Ok, so that was Thursday. Yesterday I went to a Stalking seminar down in Visalia. It was actually very interesting and even though it made for a very long day, I think it was helpful and actually eye opening in many ways. I have no doubt I will be using some of that information soon (and no, not to stalk anyone, you pervs!).

So, looking ahead to the coming week, I'm going to be super busy again. Tomorrow is a federal holiday, so I don't have to work, but I am going to go in for a bit and just get all my last minute stuff ready for my trial that starts on Tuesday. This will be the biggest trial I've had so far, as I have 14 witnesses and it is expected to last about 3 days. It will be in front of Judge O'Neill, my first in front of a non-magistrate judge. While my boss is doing the trial with me, I'm doing the opening, closing, and I believe questioning 9 of the witnesses. The defendant is quite the sly one, and loves to talk, so I'm sure this trial will probably be even more interesting than the one I had last week.

Because of the trial, I will miss my Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon classes this week (Remedies and Evidence). I hate missing classes, but I wouldn't miss the opportunity to do this trial for anything! My Wills and Trusts class doesn't meet this week, so that leaves me with only one class I'll be going to this week (Legal Process on Tuesday night).

Now, I need to get working on my Legal Process assignment (doing one Performance Exam) and doing some work on my opening and closing. Going to be an interesting week.